The Force is Strong in This One…

Star Date 06092016

T2 (Sam), texts me from her class today. Wants to know how I would feel being interviewed a person “with a terminal illness / near death experience.”

Me (Vader) – Is this a joke?

T2 (Leia) – No lol

Me – Interviewed by whom

T2 – Me

Me – Sure

T2 – Does Charlies count as a terminal or near death experience

Me – (again…thinking this cannot be real) You’d have to ask.

It dawns on me that…rather Charlie reminded me that we haven’t played his favorite game in a couple of days. Use the Force….

Me – When you ask, I need to know if people gasp in horror, hands to mouth, grossly abnormal eye width…that sort of thing.

T2 – (Jedi mindtrick is working) Okay I’ll ask…wait…you want me to ask in front of the class?

Me – (come on Charlie…maximum effort (Deadpool)) Yes. It’s a game Charlie likes to play (honesty is the best policy…Vader used this logic, and so do I).

T2 – Okay. I’ll let you know.

Moments later, Sam receives 4 texts from friends in class. Long distance with severe away team disadvantage…Charlie pulls off a 4 spot. Charlie 8. ATOI 1.

Rewind. Fitbit says I got 9 hours and 5 minutes of sleep. 24 times restless, but 9 hours and 5 minutes of sleep. This must be some sort of land sleep record, I am thinking. Charlie is still groggy, but he nods in agreement. I burst in to the hall way. I have literally slept all day. I make a quick stop for a single. It is sunny out. It is midday. I check the kitchen clock. It’s 623. Fitbit lies. Wait…what? I am informed that I pulled a Jess, last night…at 810 pm. No booze…just a bail…what’s the name for that one, Karen?

Now I am thoroughly depressed. I really thought I had accomplished like the Everest of sleeping. Charlie can’t even get that right. Bastard.

Day one of vacation…Hear me out. Travel days don’t count, nor does the supposed holiday, yesterday. Plus Charlie has been non-migrainal today…so this is the first day of vacation. HGTV…my preferred channel of optical pleasure…all tiny home crap. Next? USA…NCIS. Alright. What? You have one of those ‘last’ buttons. I can essentially watch multiple shows. ION…positively entertaining. Indeed. …albeit short-lived. A&E. Are you worth? Score. Criminal Minds…season one. …hit last button to ensure NCIS is still there. And? It is. Couch…baby. And?

Good thing the high-quality shows are on all day. Folks this was the extent of my movement…save my big business from much earlier in the day. Just sayin. Even Ben the finger tumour was content just holding his baby. If you look closely, you can see him wave. Actually he is smiling as well. As you can also see, I can bore any creature, quite literally to sleep. Day one is a rousing success for Pappy Schmear.

How is it that I am actually tired. Babies must emit some sort of sleep spell. For baby Logan, it comes by way of high-pressure farting. This poor child is gonna blow her O-ring in no time. There she was…seemingly, innocently in her bouncy chair. My feet on the floor next to her. The laminate floor vibrated. Casey laughs. She (Logan) had to have blown out her diaper with the force of the mighty howitzer. There is no way she is dry. Casey assures me the baby is. She is just that loud. It was amazing. This happened several times throughout our stressful day of sleep. Suddenly, I have no worries of not being around for the dating years of my Logan. If she can master the power of the fart and harness that power for good…not a boy will come near her….ever. Trust me…these things were tracked by a seismometer.

Charlie has been mostly kind today. He is intrigued by Logan and happy to be in the presence of Casey. He misses Sam, but at least they got to play over the text device today.

For those who keep track of such things, today’s wake up song was Edelweiss:

As sung…by the Family, Von Trapp. Sorry, Steve…nothing else intended. Except I am making some cookies. Could you check the heat of the oven for me?

Not all burn, who enter in. Case in point? Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. There’s a chance.

Final thought. Don’t ever have Steve check the cookies. Final, final thought. Not sure what or where Edelweiss came from. Today was an awesome day of vacation. Wait…just looked at lyrics…now I know why. Well played, Charlie. Well played.

Edelweiss, Edelweiss Every morning you greet me Small and white, clean and bright You look happy to meet me Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow Bloom and grow forever Edelweiss, Edelweiss Bless my homeland forever

Edelweiss, Edelweiss Every morning you greet me Small and white, clean and bright You look happy to meet me Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow Bloom and grow forever Edelweiss, Edelweiss Bless my homeland forever