Fourscore and Firestone Ago

Star Date 23092016

Four years ago, on this date, Jess was in Boulder, CO for some Firestone event. I do not recall exactly what it was. Also of note? I happened to have roof inspections to do in White-oming, the week following. This date was a Sunday in 2012. Jess and I met on a Thursday toward the end of February (I know that date as well). I was at Firestone corporate for some sort of BS training. It just so happened that whilst there, FS was having an awards ceremony, which was mandatory attendance for those in the building. As many know, my preferred getup is shorts, tee, and what my people refer to as slippers…flip flops to most. I was not allowed any of that on this day. On this day I was forced into regulation ‘business attire.’ I am not a fan of this much restriction to my movement, for obvious reasons. What are those? Easy. Building on fire or under attack…how else to I move like a ninja and use the elderly as cover as I make my way out? Duh. Kick off the slippers and fly like a monkey…traversing the cubicle obstacle course that would otherwise be my resting place. I digress. Khakis, long-sleeve button down…tucked in…worst thing ever (Red would disagree), and dress shoes. Worse still? Walking in to a crowded room, full of people I do not know, being forced to mingle, then partake of a meal with them. I was leaning against a table and this girl kept looking my way, just short of staring. Spidey senses were tingling, and I naturally thought she was looking at a friend of mine, whose name (ironically?) is Charlie. Long story, longer, I worked with Charlie to find out who this mystery lady was. He did. I was due to leave that Friday to go back to CA, so I asked her out in a group format, and she politely turned me down…for a supposed hair appointment. I know, right? A few of us went to Rock Bottom and Jess ended up there anyway. The fictitious hair dresser could not keep the “appointment.” When Jess arrived, she didn’t sit next to me, she sat on the other side of Charlie. Until I ordered food. Suddenly bacon went missing from my very fingers. I literally had her eating out of my hand. Bacon. Those who know me, know my love of pig in this form. I scour my locale for the best bacon…previously covered, BTW. The evening was to end way too soon. Jess was going out with friends to listen to music somewhere…supposedly. I told her where I was staying and she showed up. We talked (quite literally) until I left for CA the next morning. We dated long distance for a few months, seeing each other when we could, which was about every other month. Not a fan. Jess called it off. I did not blame her. A couple months later, we were texting out of the blue. Next thing you know, our paths were to cross in CO. No muss, no fuss, we planned to see each other and just talk. During our conversation of being just friends…ya know…girl talk…this and that, so on and so forth…she randomly says, “I love you.” Whoa….what in the…needless to say I was not prepared for my friend conversation to take this unexpected turn. I paused…way too long…but finally said it back. This date, four years ago. It did not make dating long distance any easier or better, but we came up with a plan and set the plan in to motion. Poor girl has been stuck with me since. …well…and apparently with Charlie…the tumour, not the friend. Since we got the news of Charlie, I have given plenty of thought as to whether or not she would have gotten involved with me had we known then about Charlie. It was difficult enough to live 2500 miles away and attempt to date. I do not dwell in this particular place, but I do visit it in my head on occasion. Doesn’t matter, Karen would say…here you are. Yep…here I am. Awakened in my head to John Legend and Coming Home:

A father waits upon a son A mother prays for his return I just called to see If you still have a place for me We know that life took us apart But you’re still within my heart I go to sleep and feel your spirit next to me I’ll make it home again I pray you’ll fall in love again Just say you’ll entertain the possibility I learned enough from my mistakes Learned from all I didn’t say Won’t you wait for meIt may be long to get me there It feels like I’ve been everywhere But someday I’ll be coming home Round and round the world will spin Oh, the circle never ends So you know that I’ll be coming home

We fight to stay alive But somebody’s got to die It’s so strange to me A new year, a new enemy Another soldier gone to war Another story told before Now it’s told again It seems the wars will never end But we’ll make it home again Back where we belong again We’re holding on to when We used to dare to dream We pray we live to see Another day in history Yes we still believe

It may be long to get me there It feels like I’ve been everywhere But someday I’ll be coming home Round and round the world will spin Oh, the circle never ends So you know that I’ll be coming home

I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming? You know that I’ll be coming home

It may be long to get me there It feels like I’ve been everywhere But someday I’ll be coming home Round and round the world will spin Oh, the circle never ends So you know that I’ll be coming home

I also awoke at 0303. I sure wish I knew why. It is not as if I’m not tired. At some point during the night, I heard a crunching sound…might have been a dream, but likely not. Jess probably brought chips to bed. Just a dream? I do not know, but there will be an in depth investigation today. I also awoke to pictures. Literally. We are attempting to sort through storage bins in our basement. Jess has said, “Enough is enough, Skiles.” …yes ma’am. She is right…as she is about most everything. Mystery bins…admin work from life. I am not good at the administrative functions of my life. It has nothing to do with hoarding inasmuch as it has to to with not wanting to spend time doing something so seemingly insignificant as sorting and filing. I hate it. Jess? She does not. So, with Sammer’s on the FaceTime, telling us about her internship/job, Jess pulling bins, and me going through them. Jess came upon a couple that have not been looked at in twenty years…quite literally. Photos and junk…stuff I didn’t know was junk at the time, nonetheless…or nonethemore, it is. Shuffling through photos of Case and Sam, me with all black hair, adorning not only my face, but atop my head. Surrounding Charlie in warmth and comfort. Jet black…it was. Jess would make a quick stop to check out a photo with me and we would both comment that Casey and Sam still make some of the same faces and expressions as they did in those pictures from when they were so very small. With all that is and has been going on for us recently, it is as though my mind is on a constant feed of memories…both recent and dated. Funny how a picture can trigger that very moment, again. Not so funny is the darkness I feel in thinking about ‘what if.’ I do not dwell here, currently, but I am visiting it all too frequently. We are rapidly approaching C-Day. I am ready. I am not. Like plucking petals from a flower. I am ready. I am not. Today, I am not. Ask again in five minutes. No test results yet from yesterday. Doc Yu is out today, so I may not get them until Monday ….or worse, later in the week. Answers and time…we have not enough of either.

Fast forward. I spent the majority of my day on a roof, with a contractor…kinda my job. Contractor looks like a skinny…er…Santa. If Santa smoked, drank, rode a Harley. And scratched his nether region incessantly. Crabs, anyone? They don’t look that different from those of the H20. …on a microscopic level. Received a call from Doc Yu, that I was all too eager to step away from the rooftop conversation I had been a part of. So…if you remember how this started, it wasn’t for anything to do with my head, other than the headache. The initial MRI on my neck found a “spot.” The CT from the other day…the one on my head, shows some abnormality in my neck, having to do with my carotid artery. Guess what? Doc Yu ordered another CT with dye, on my neck…for as soon as possible. The suspicion now is that my vessels (as in blood) are twisted around and making the picture appear like something is wrong that may not be. I think I should stop answering my phone.

It is Friday, and at the start of this particular entry, I was feeling pretty good about the day and everything behind it. My patience has worn thin and I feel a bit run down…can’t imagine why. I also feel…in the words of Bruce Almighty…that “God is a big kid with a magnifying glass, and I am an ant. ….God has taken my bird and my bush…I have no bird and bush.” Good flick. I am going to focus on this being Friday eve.

No final thought and no spotlight today. Sorry.