Dum Spiro Spero

Star Date 21092016

I awoke to the following from Five for Fighting. Yep. You guessed it, a one person show. Piano player and singer. His songs have been in a few movies, of which I can recall none at three in the morning. Charlie is running at a full-tilt boogie, and why not? He’s got nothing better to do. I do. 16 days. Shout out to Norm at this early hour. He called at a good time last night. Took my mind off of…well…me, as well as added some laughter. Thank you.

“What If” Threw a line out to pull you to me If you don’t get it, then you don’t get it You made your mind up before you knew me If you don’t get it, then you don’t get it Take my hand for a minute. We’re in it – imagine all the pain that might be forgiven

What if I had your heart? What if you wore my scars? How would we break down? What if you were me and what if I were you?

What if you told my lies? What if I cried with your eyes? Could anyone keep us down? What if you were me? What if I were you?

Had a dream of a new tomorrow. If you don’t get it, then you don’t get it. I took a step hoping you might follow. If you don’t get it, then you don’t get it. Take a chance for a minute. Jump in it. Imagine if you asked yourself for a minute:

What if I had your heart? What if you wore my scars? How would we break down? What if you were me and what if I were you?

What if you told my lies? What if I cried with your eyes? Could anyone keep us down? What if you were me? And what if I were you?

To the ones who make it better, find to get out, gotta touch the other side. What if all that it took to save our lives together was to wise up…

For those who actually try and listen to any of these tunes, John’s voice may not be for all. At times, it wears on me, but I can listen to him playing the piano. I do not recall if I added this under Wheezy, but along with all his other talents, he can play the piano like no one I’ve ever seen or heard. Passion. Almost a quiet rage, taken out on all that ivory. If a piano could have it’s ass handed to it…since we are pretending here, pretend a piano has an ass…Wes has tuned up a piano or dozen in his life. See what I did there? Stupid, I can do at three in the morning. Wheezy is on my mind this morning and perhaps the song is a nudge to call him…which I will do. It’s funny that certain sounds, smells, sights cause us to think about certain other things or people. I gotta say, as much trouble as Charlie has been, I do hope that ability does not go away.

I also awoke to a book…rather a person who authored said book. I am a fan of baseball, over any other sport…save curling. Curling is awesome. Brooms are inexpensive. The granite stone…not so much many thousands of dinero. Ridiculous. Anyway, baseball. R. A. Dickey wrote the following:

I am not a sports book type person, anymore than I am a seafood person. This book really has little to do with sports…just so happens he does…or at least till the end of this season. R.A. opens with dum spiro spero. An interesting approach for someone who had a lot of bad happen to them in their younger years. It is a thought that was clearly fleeting for me, yesterday…and a bit still this morning. Sadness is not easy to keep at bay. I am not sad for me. I am sad for the few lives I have encountered in this life, that I have been blessed to be a part of. I love laughter. Who doesn’t? I love making people laugh. Quiet places where laughter ought not to be…my favorite venue. What if I cannot do that after all this? What if there is no after this? Yesterday was a blow. Yet, here I am in today, carrying the same feelings as yesterday…thus far. I think more in reflection than currently feeling, but one begets the other.

Sidebar. I have Five for Fighting playing in the background and a song called…I’m not making this up…Dying just came on. Kinda funny. Hear me out. The majority of the song does not apply, but these lines certainly fit Charlie:

I’m dying, dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again I’m dying, dying to forget about you, that you ever lived There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest I’m dying to live without you again

I’m dying, dying to find a distraction, get you away from me I’m dying, dying to reach a conclusion

Spotlight friend. Matt M. Matt is the only 43 year old curmudgeon I know. He is a modern day Ebenezer Scrooge. Not really, but George C. Scott is who I picture. In reality, Matt is far from all of this. When I first met Matt, it was at his office, with my boss, and Matt’s work family. I was being introduced to him by my boss (at the time). Matt was all business, not a smile to be found, forced or otherwise. He and his men on one side of a large conference table and little Tommy and me on the other. Matt is formidable in word and action. Integrity. Another friend who would rather perform work based on a handshake deal. Sensing a trend? I was impressed with Matt, and though he has made it clear …repeatedly…that he doesn’t need a sales rep darkening his doorstep, I did. I cannot recall the tipping point for him, but in listening to him talk across the room that first day, I knew I respected this guy. His vision. Family values and family first. It’s easy for an employer to say ‘family first,’ and yet when the time comes that family need be first, most companies balk. Matt does not. There is nothing Matt wouldn’t do for someone…he likes. If he doesn’t like you, you’ll know it. If he does like you, it won’t show on his face, as he wears the same look…kinda like this popular fella:

Under the look is a man with heart and a fire in the belly. Under the look is a guy that I love to get to smile and better yet to laugh. Which…usually bears the consequence of him calling me a dick. I’m good with it. Matt is exactly the poster child for the expression of ‘giving you the shirt off their back.’ Matt is all about family. Respectable in all things. I have had the all too rare pleasure of spending some time with Matt and Melissa. Always good times. Always laughter. You wanna see Matt change his expression? Get a Natty in him and throw on some music. Like someone with Turrets, he will have been being quiet or even in the middle of conversing, and suddenly…an outburst like, “Whew…this is a great song.” Catches you off guard if you haven’t experienced this before. Makes me laugh every time. You wanna see Matt change his expression? Follow his eyes when Melissa walks in to the room…Matt has naughty eyes. You wanna see Matt change his expression? Get him to talk about his girls. His life. He works hard and is successful at home and work. After he sees this, I will likely get a text with a single word…maybe three…”you’re a dick.” He may be correct…but that is his affectionate expression. I’m good with it and him. Fitting that I get to see him today. Back in January, I was taken off his account…or was he taken off mine? No matter. I no longer get to deal in business with him. It sucks to not do business with friends. Yes, I am aware of the adage, I’ve never bought in to it. Business is better with the right friends. Thankfully, the matter I get to deal with today will goes back to my time with my previous employer. Thankfully, I get to stand up in Matt’s corner. What are friends for.

Fast forward. Migraine medicine has finally kicked in and is putting Charlie in his place…albeit an enlarged foramen in my melon. Bastard. It is before 5 and I have to laugh a little. I’ve already heard two walnuts hit the roof next door. Ninja birds. No time for the gym this am. I will have to check out the afternoon idiots. I hate change. Especially changing times for workouts. Oh thee well. I am breathing…so there is hope. The day will come and go and get us one step closer to hatching Charlie. That should automatically make this a good day. It won’t…not in its entirety. Jess talked with Highmark last night. The data girl is trying to get the money side of this ‘fun.’ Highmark told her I am paid to date…the entire surgery should be covered, as I have met all deductibles, etc. She hung up and I got a message from Highmark…via the same app that discussed my CT scan results. The app claims I owe 800 plus dollars, currently. I literally just paid 400 plus two days ago. I hate insurance companies of all sorts. So…that will be an hour phone call that will get me no solid answers, just excuses as to why someone “thinks this must be the reason you are being charged.” As in….you don’t even know how to read the codes that I’m being charged for. Let’s not forget I am being charged for having seen a doctor I have never heard of, nor seen, nor even been scheduled with. Awesome.

Fast forward. Both Jess and I have spent time on the phone with Highmark, today. Her person gave her an additional number to call, which prompted Jess to hit the file cabinet…or my current version of…the pile of papers next to my desk that have not magically inserted themselves into said file cabinet. I spent time with a different person who tried to explain to me that my hand surgery was not double dipped but that it took the doctor 15 minutes longer than expected which resulted in his charging the exact same about for 30 minutes at 1299 and an additional 1299 for 15 minutes he did not expect to be in surgery. The same idiot telling me this suggests that I wait for a bill or explanation of benefits to show up before paying anything else. As I am explaining all this to Jess, she is looking at bills and so on and sees they coded something incorrectly and have me at a doctor when I wasn’t. How do these people get to keep their jobs?

Fast forward. Dinner with tomorrow’s spotlight friend. Tomorrow. So seepy.